Title: "Goodbye To You"
Author: SaraC
Summary: Goodbyes are always the hardest things to say
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. They belong to George Lucas. The
song "Goodbye To You" belongs to Michelle Branch.
Spoilers/Time frame: Set post TPM
Pairing: Obi/Ami
Rating: PG
~~~~~~~~~~
Of all the things I believed in,
I just want to get it over with.
Tears form behind my eyes,
But I do not cry.
Counting the days that pass me by.
~~~~~~~~~~~
He stood silently on the balcony overlooking the palace gardens. It was a beautiful, clear night, with all the stars in the heavens seeming to shine down on him. He stared unseeingly into the night, oblivious to the beauty around him, or the party going on in the courtyard below him. He felt no joy on this beautiful night, only a deep abiding sadness as he waited for her. He knew she would come.
~~~~~~~~~
I've been searching deep down in my soul.
Words that I'm hearing,
Are starting to get old.
It feels like I'm starting, all over again,
The last few years were just pretend.
~~~~~~~~~
She stood watching him in silence, noting the way his proud, strong shoulders seemed to slump more than usual. Her own shoulders were bowed, her eyes red from crying. Most thought they were tears of joy at the night's events. Only two other people knew they were tears of sadness and loss. She knew she would shed more tears before this night was over.
~~~~~~~~~~
And I said,
Goodbye to you.
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved,
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.
~~~~~~~~~~
He sensed her the moment she entered her room. He waited silently as she stood watching him through the double doors. He sensed that she had been crying. His heart ached, knowing he was the reason for her tears, crying silently with her. He did not turn as he felt her approach, remaining still as she came to stand beside him. "So you have accepted him." She started at the low words. She looked over at him, noting his usually expressive eyes were unreadable as he stared up into the night sky.
~~~~~~~~~~
I still get lost in your eyes,
And it seems that I can't live a day without you.
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away,
To a place where I am blinded by the light.
But it's not right.
~~~~~~~~~~~
"Yes." The softly spoken word broke his heart anew. She watched as pain flickered through the beautiful greenish-blue eyes she loved. "You know that I did not want to," she began, but he stopped her by raising his hand. "You did what you must. We knew it would come to this. We can't deny what the Force has commanded," he replied, his voice low. She looked at him, anger and sadness warring in her as his words penetrated. She knew he spoke the truth, but she hated hearing it. She heard the desperate note in her voice as a tear escaped her tight control and slipped down her smooth cheek. "But how do you know the Force commanded this? How could this power you focus your life around, this power you insist has a reason and meaning for every action, demand I marry someone that I do not love?" she whispered quietly, watching as his hands clenched into fists at his side.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goodbye to you.
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew.
You were the one I loved,
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He closed his eyes at her words, forcing back his own emotions as he listened to her impassioned words. Each one seemed to brand his heart, stinging little pricks that jabbed at him unmercifully. Because he agreed with every word. Because each time he looked into her beautiful eyes, he found himself questioning everything he had been taught since childhood, every belief and every purpose.
Because he loved her.
Because she loved him.
Because they could not love each other.
Taking a deep breath, he finally turned to meet her tear-stained face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time.
I want what's yours and I want what's mine.
I want you,
But I'm not giving in this time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"He loves you. He has always loved you." She felt her heart quicken at the words as his eyes finally met hers. She could get lost in those eyes. She had so many times before. What she would not give to have those times back. It had been so simple then. "I know, and I love him," she replied softly, seeing him flinch slightly at her acknowledgement. Her heart broke for them both as she reached her hands out to cup his face. "I love him, but I am in love with you. I think I have always been in love with you, from the moment I met you," she whispered as another tear slid down her cheek. He closed his eyes for a moment, leaning his head into her hands, letting her words sink deep into his soul. Every word was a ray of sunlight, brightening a world that once looked gloomy and dark. He inhaled her fragrance, memorized her touch and let her words fill the darkest corner of his soul. He knew her words of love would be the shining light in his life, in his heart, even though he would walk the rest of it in darkness. He knew after this night, they must never speak of these feelings again.
~~~~~~~~~~
Goodbye to you.
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew.
You were the one I loved.
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.
~~~~~~~~~~~
She watched as he slowly lost whatever strength he had left, slipping forward to wrap her arms around him, holding him tightly. She felt her heart sing as his strong arms pulled her against him, his head burying itself against her neck, the scruff of his beard tickling her soft skin. How she would miss this feeling! How she would miss these moments of silence when they seemed to be able to read each other's thoughts. How she would miss the man she loved more than life itself. She felt tears clog her throat as he suddenly pulled back, cupping her face in his hands, his eyes staring straight into her soul. No one knew her like he did. No one ever would. "You must never let him know any of this. It would not only crush him, but perhaps push him down the wrong path," he whispered, brushing his lips across her forehead as she closed her eyes and leaned into him, desperate for more of his soft kisses. She felt another tear escape her weakening control as he rested his forehead against hers. "I know. I am his Angel. I always have been and I always will be. This marriage will benefit all involved, my people and the Republic and the Jedi. I will do my duty because I love him in my own way. But know this," she whispered, pulling her face back to gaze directly into his eyes. The love and pain she saw reflected in those beautiful orbs nearly brought her to her knees. The tears began to fall again as she struggled to continue.
"Know this Obi-Wan Kenobi. I marry him only because I know you and I can never be together. But my heart will always be yours," she whispered, heart breaking at the love shining in his eyes as he wiped away her tears. He looked deep into her eyes, realizing again just how much he loved the small woman in his embrace. Her words moved him as no other ever had. He could not hold back his tears as he stroked her cheeks, wiping away the tear tracks. "And know this Queen Padme Amidala," he whispered, brushing his finger lightly across her lips at her indrawn breath at the use of her name. "No matter that the Force does not will you and I to be together in this life, know you will always be my heart. I will love you for as long as I live," he whispered around the lump in his throat. She closed her eyes for a moment, absorbing his words. She knew, after this night, she would never hear them again. He was noble and honorable. She now belonged to another man.
His Padawan.
His friend.
He would never speak of this again, and neither would she. Turning her face blindly up to his, she brought his lips to hers and poured her soul into the kiss.
~~~~~~~~
Goodbye to you.
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew.
You were the one I loved.
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.
~~~~~~~~~
He groaned softly as he plundered her mouth, pulling her tightly against him, losing himself in the magic that was her kiss. After tonight, he would never know it again. She moaned against his mouth as she felt the explosions detonating throughout her body. No one else ever made her feel like he did. She whimpered as he pulled back, her arms instinctively locking around his neck, trying to pull him back down to her. "Padme, we must stop. You are engaged to Anakin now, this is not right, Ami, please," he whispered, brushing light kisses across her cheeks and nose, reluctant to let her go despite his words. She only shook her head, pulling him down to her lips again. "Just tonight. I don't want to say good-bye yet. Please Obi," she whispered, planting small kisses across his neck and collarbone.
He struggled for only a moment, knowing no good could come of staying any longer. It would only make it harder for them both. "Ami, it would be wrong. You belong to Anakin now," he tried again, only be cut off by the soft fingers placed across his lips. She looked deep into his eyes, her body crying out to him. She loved him so. She never wanted to leave his embrace. She wanted to be completely his. Even if it could only be for tonight. One night of ecstasy for a lifetime of duty. Tomorrow she must say goodbye.
But tonight, she was his.
~~~~~~~~~
Goodbye to you.
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew.
You were the one I loved.
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.
~~~~~~~~~~
She smiled through her tears as she looked into his eyes. "I must become Anakin's in the morning. Tonight, and always in my heart, I will be only yours. Please Obi, I need you so," she replied, leaning up to kiss him again. It was too much. He knew it was wrong, he was betraying his friend, the Jedi code, everything he'd ever been taught. She was not his. She could never be his. She was always meant to be Anakin's. But for tonight, just this once, she could be his.
One night.
Just one.
Then he would say good-bye. He would do what he must. What the Force willed. He would bury his feelings deep inside, far away from his Padawan's thoughts, seeming only to be happy at the impending marriage. She would be Anakin's from tomorrow forward. But for tonight, she would be his. Decision made, heart overflowing with joy and pain, he swept her into his arms and carried her into her bedroom. Tonight was theirs. Tomorrow he must say goodbye.
~~~~~~~~~~
Goodbye to you.
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew.
You were the one I loved.
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.
~~~~~~~~~~~
He looked down at her sated body curled against him, daybreak just beginning to light the windows of her room.
His love.
His life.
But it was time to say good-bye.
A tear slipped down his cheek as he took one last, long look at her beautiful face, so peaceful and young in her sleep. From here on out, Anakin would be the only man to see her in this state. Heart breaking, he slipped from the bed and into his robes. When he was covered, he turned once more to look upon her lovely face.
"Good-bye my love. I will love you forever," he whispered, leaning down to kiss her lips softly one final time.
Wiping away the tear that escaped his tight control, he buried his emotions and his love for her deep in his mind.
Then he turned and walked from the room, leaving his heart in her keeping.
~~~~~~~~~
And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star
~~~~~~~~~~