Title: Shades of Gray
Author: obi's girl
Summary: To be honest, this is really a story about Amidala's struggle, her pain and her legacy and I keep on saying in the story. It takes place preferably during Episode 3, after Anakin has turned to the Dark side. Amidala is about to give birth to Luke & Leia and Obi-Wan must decide how to tell Amidala Anakin is never coming back to the good side...
Time frame: (Obviously, during Episode 3)
Disclaimer: All the characters of Star Wars belong to the God himself, George Lucas.
The Queen grabbed Sabe's hand as another contraction struck her. Amidala fell to the gray marble floor of the palace with her handmaiden at her side, gasping for air. It was almost time. Her children, they would be there soon - hers' and Anakins'. Only, he wasn't there.
The day Obi-Wan Kenobi told her Anakin died, she broke down in tears, crying relentlessly for days. Things only got worse when it turned out Anakin survived, resurrected by Palpitine, as the corrupt Sith Lord, Darth Vadar. Once again, Obi-Wan was bearer of bad news, a habit he said he wished he could break. Amidala smiled at him as he ushered her to a seat. Amidala refused, but demanded to know what happened.
That day, to her recollection, was the day her spirit died. Anakin, her love, was dead, making her dead. She walked around the palace in daze. Finally, after weeks of mourning, she donned a black satin dress. The ruffles of the dress were the only signification that the Queen was coming down the hall or in the room.
She didn't know how to live. Everything that was, that was supposed to be, was gone and there was nothing she could do bring it all back. The laughter, the cries of play, it was all gone. Light no longer filled her eyes and her soul, was black, almost to the point of dying from heartbreak...until she learned she was pregnant.
Throughout her entire pregnancy, Amidala continued to be withdrawn - - not eating, sleeping and barely speaking to anyone. She continued the wear the black satin dress, not only because she was still depressed, but also because it helped to cover the fact that was with child. Her lifestyle basically resembled that of a Jedi acolyte.
But through the turmoils and pain, she had Obi-Wan, found solace with him. He helped her through the dark time and eventually after a time, she began to smile and laugh again. Though she was delighted to be a mother, she didn't smile during the months she was carrying. During that time, all she could think about was the loss of Anakin. She loved him so much, he was her whole life and sudennly he was gone and the only reminder of him was the growing life inside of her. Life.
She never thought about her children. They were the light of her life and would continue to be after their birth. And her friends. Amidala had no idea where she would be or what she would do if Obi-Wan weren't there by her side. She didn't know how he could stay with her. The Order, his whole life was destroyed and now he was helping Amidala Skywalker, the estranged wife of his former padawan carry on a lost legacy.
<All would have been lost if he weren't there with me. >
She never thanked him for all he had done, though she probably should have. In truth, in the beginning, she blamed him for Anakin's demise. It was a natural reaction, he said, but no matter what, even though she blamed him, she felt sorry for him. She lost a husband, but he lost a son he had raised since after Qui-Gon's death. It hurt him just as much as it hurt her and yet, she didn't acknowledge this because she wasn't ready to talk to him. They weren't ready until only a month before the delivery date.
They had to talk about the future of the children. Somewhere in that conversation, Amidala slipped in how the feelings she had kept hidden since Anakin left. Obi-Wan listened and sympathized; they cried, laughed over memories, restoring their lost, broken friendship. Amidala looked up at Sabe's face and smiled weakly. She pulled her up, tightening her grip on her arm. One of the people she avoided during her depression, was another trusted friend since the beginning and risk taker, Sabe. The woman didn't even blame her for shunning her away the way she did. She said, if it happened to her, she would do the same thing. Amidala smiled, remembering exactly why they had become fast friends when she was elected as Queen of Naboo.
Sabe smiled back. "We must get you to your bed chambers, your highness." She paused, unsure how to phrase her next sentence.
Amidala smiled, sensing her confusion. "You don't have to worry on my account, Sabe. Summon Master Kenobi. I've already made arrangements with him."
She nodded her head obediently, helping Amidala to her room.
Obi-Wan breathed in, searching the Force for answers. Lately, it seemed like the Force was punishing him for his apprentice's actions. He was totally cut off. The Jedi, for months, lived in seclusion from the rest of the universe, much like Amidala went through, but his trial, his pain was more physical. His face was pale from meditating and fasting for days, begging the Force to answer his calls. He even cursed his Master for "abandoning" him when he needed guidance the most.
He realized he might never find the answers he needed, he might never feel peace, but as long as he tried to hold on, all was not lost. He had failed many, especially his apprentice, but he refused to fail her. He would not fail to keep her safe and her children safe.
Anakin Skywalker, his former friend and apprentice was gone. He was no longer Anakin. Instead, he was a demon controlled by Satan himself - Emperor Palpitine. It made no sense. In the beginning, he never suspected Palpitine's intentions. Of course, politicians never show their true faces until it's too late; not even the Jedi Council suspected anything. That's what scared him the most. The fact that Palpitine made it his quest to destroy the Jedi, innocents who were unaware of his true face, made him question if the Jedi we're either to vane to see what was happening or weak and he certainly didn't want to admit the Council was weak. And Amidala...
She was going to suffer for his decision. He didn't want that for her. Everything that happened, everything that was said, it shouldn't have happened in his opinion. Anakin and Amidala, they loved each other so much. Now, Amidala was going to give birth to two children with no father to care for them. It wasn't fair. Because Anakin was selfish and carelessness, his children were going to pay the price for his misgivings.
Peace. It would be a long time until the galaxy would know peace again. No one, not even him, could have predicted that Senator Palpitine of Naboo was a Sith in disguise. Sith were not humans. They could have been at one point, but for the most part, they were merciless killers, an aura, which could never be overlooked by a trained Jedi of the light.
<Obi-Wan...> The Jedi Master flinched, hearing the familiar voice.
He opened his eyes scanning the room. Empty. He shrugged, returning to meditation. <You're jumping over nothing, Obi-Wan. There's nothing there except darkness. >
By this time, Obi-Wan Kenobi was no longer convinced that all there was just darkness - shades of gray shadows. There was something, a familiar almost fatherly presence. He closed his eyes, hoping to channel the Force, asking for answers.
<There's no need for that, Padawan. >
"Padawan? No one's ever called me that since..." he realized allowed, opening his eyes. His Master, former Master and friend, Qui-Gon Jinn knelt before him. "Master?"
<Yes, Obi-Wan. It's me. > The Jedi Master stood and placed his arms around his chest, his eyes narrowed. <I sensed you were disturbed, regarding Anakin and Amidala. >
Kenobi shook his head in despair. "I've failed them both, Master." Softly, he whispered, "And I've failed you too."
<You have not failed me, Obi-Wan. What happened to Anakin wasn't your fault. It was never your fault. It was the Will of the Force. >
Obi-Wan laughed, facing his Master. "Forgive me, Master, but I feel it isn't. You didn't see Amidala break down and shut herself from her friends and family after Anakin left. The beautiful, youthful woman, we both knew, died and I was helpless to bring her back from her shell." He nodded.
<It still wasn't you're fault, Obi-Wan. You shouldn't blame yourself for something that was meant to happen. >
The Jedi raised a hand, stopping his Master. "Just stop, Qui-Gon! I don't need to hear this. You don't have to be sympathetic to me because I was your Padawan. I know it was my fault." He paused, "The Council never admitted it but they did blame me for what happened to him. I felt it - from all of them, even Mace."
<Obi-Wan, listen to yourself! You haven't fallen to the dark side, but you've already lost your will to fight - the same will I was always proud of. >
He huffed, "How can you be proud of me if I have failed you in your last wish?"
<Obi-Wan, I knew. I knew everything. It wasn't your fault, and if you say it again, I'll disown you as my padawan. >
"Former Padawan, Qui-Gon." He corrected.
<Yes, but you are still my son. > Qui-Gon gasped, changing the subject. <Obi-Wan, Amidala needs you. Her children, you have to watch over them and keep them safe.... I know you won't fail her, you won't fail them. >
<Obi-Wan...> Qui-Gon began, kneeling down beside the younger man. <I know you think I've abandoned you and I don't blame you. Your trial as a Jedi, has to be the most painful and most legendary, but know this, you've never been alone. You had her. > He nodded no, facing him.
"Had, past tense, Master. I killed her love, destroyed her life and everybody else's'. I alone am responsible for unleashing Anakin's wrath onto the universe. Whatever I had or used to have is gone. There is no amends. Only darkness that consumes my soul, now and forever. And I can't stop it. I'm powerless to stop it."
Qui-Gon smiled wearily, <I wish I could make you see the light, Padawan. Make you understand...but I can't. I've never forced you to do anything you never wanted to do and I'm not about to start now. But can I give you some advice? > Obi-Wan looked at his Master and smiled slightly, nodding him on.
<You may not want to accept this, but you have to understand something. This, this darkness, it was meant it happen. I knew this, despite my belief that Anakin should be trained. One day, Obi-Wan, not now, but one day, you'll be able to make amends but until then, you can start to try make amends by helping the only one left the Galaxy that can rectify the wrong. >
"It's the end. How can the wrong be rectified?" Qui-Gon smiled, nodding no.
<It can be, because it's only the beginning. >
"Master Kenobi..." a voice asked.
Obi-Wan looked up. Sabe lightly smiled at him before frowning completely. "It's time. Her highness is about to deliver." She paused hesitantly. "She said she already made arrangements with you about her children..."
Kenobi blinked, searching the room for his Master. He was alone or was he? He felt his Master. Qui-Gon was right next to him and now, he was alone again. Obi-Wan held his head eye, facing Sabe. He vaguely remembered the last thing she said.
"Arrangements? I had no such discussion with her." He paused, standing up from meditation. "Thank you, Sabe. I'll be there momentarily." She bowed, leaving the room in silence. Kenobi turned, grabbing his cloak off his bed.
Obi-Wan glanced after Sabe, then sighed, "Thank you, Master. May the Force be with you." He smiled quickly and left, as Qui-Gon's voice echoed after him, "The Force is always with you, Obi-Wan Kenobi."
Amidala lied back on her bed, panting. She breathed regularly, in and out, as droplets of sweat streamed down her forehead, mixing with her loose hair. Obi-Wan entered the room, followed by Sabe. She rushed immediately to her side, grabbing her hand for strength. Sabe picked up a cloth from her nightstand and began to wipe away the sweat. Obi-Wan dropped to his knees, next to her.
She smiled. "Don't feel sorry for me, Obi-Wan." Amidala reached up with her hand, stroking his face.
"I know." "Your highness, I didn't..." Obi-Wan began.
"Take them. Hide them, watch over them." She gasped. "Whatever you do, one day we will get Anakin get. But for now, you're their Watcher, their protector as you were to me."
Obi-Wan closed his eyes, kissing her hand. "Yes, your highness. I will watch them."
She was a strong woman, and more. Through it all, it had been her fight to survive and theirs. Her children, they would have to fight to survive and hopefully, carry on Amidala's legacy and story. She wouldn't be alive, but her spirit, he hoped, would remain alive and active forever. She meant so much to him.
She had a chance to live happily, have the perfect life and then it was all darkness - no a shade of gray. There was good. Her children. They were good and they would remain good...for her.
Amidala smiled once before she screamed in agony...
If anyone were to ever document the pain and struggle of the strongest women in the galaxy, Obi-Wan would make sure Amidala got at the top of the list. Hers was the saddest story as his was. Queen Amidala also known as Padme Nebarrie, was a simple girl who just wanted a happy ending to her story. She had the love of her life, her only love, leave her, and her protector and friend, disappear with her two children to hide them from the rest of the universe, as if they never were really important.
Obi-Wan looked down at the silent women. He bent down, kissing her forehead and lips. Her life had ended but he hoped to carry on her story and one-day hope, dream of two hopes. One, that her children would grow and bore bare children themselves and two, maybe, just maybe, Anakin would return to the light and love his children as much as he loved Amidala.
"Your time is finished Amidala, but your story will live on. I promise you. One day, shades of gray will disappear and all will be light again." His gaze left as her as he noted the two children resting quietly next to their mother. Only one was Leia. Luke was wide awake, anxious to take in the rest of the world. He smiled, picking up the boy. "Now, young Luke..." he frowned, remembering Amidala's last words. "She never got to name you. I had to. So, I guess that makes you my first priority, next to your sister."
Obi-Wan set him on the ground as Sabe entered once again, this time Captain Typho in tow. They both bowed. "Thank you both for coming." He gasped, trying to fight with his inner turmoil.
Typho nodded no. "No, Jedi Kenobi. Thank you for being here for her Highness. She needed you."
Sabe frowned, glancing at Luke and Leia. She gazed at him, almost tear-eyed. "What will happen to them?"
He shrugged. "Bail Organa. I talked to him earlier about Amidala's children. I asked him something, something very important and he agreed." Obi-Wan bent down over the bed, taking Leia into his arms. The child reached out for her mother momentarily by sucked up her gut and settled down. He smiled at the girl, facing Typho and Sabe.
"Little Leia's to go with him. She's his daughter now. She's to be raised as princess of the House of Alderaan, raised to her love her father, Bail Organa."
"And the boy? What about him?" Typho asked.
"He's coming with me to Tatoonie. It'll be easier if they're separated. Anakin would never know he had a second child, a daughter."
Sabe smiled wishfully, as she walked closer to him. "Can I hold her?" she whispered.
Obi-Wan smiled, carefully giving Leia to the handmaiden. "She's so beautiful, just like her mother."
"Yes, she is." Sabe replied, trying to remember all the babies' features and smile. It was just like hers. "I have a feeling about her." The two men looked at the handmaiden a bit confused. Sabe simply smiled, ignoring their looks and only staring at Leia.
"What feeling?" Obi-Wan asked, whispering under his breath.
"I don't know. Just a feeling." She smiled at him. "When is Bail coming?"
"Soon. Soon." He turned, covering Amidala. Sabe stepped forward next to him, whispering, "Sleep well, your highness." Obi-Wan huffed, already feeling ages older than he originally was.
Sabe placed a hand on his shoulder, causing him to turn and hug her. "Thank you, Obi-Wan." He backed away smiling at her. "Would you like to go with Leia?"
Obi-Wan really hadn't planned on anyone else going with Leia when Bail came, but somehow, despite the many years he had known the Queen and her handmaidens, there was something about Sabe. He knew many of the children born on Naboo and elsewhere in the Republic, was sent to Coruscant to be tested as a Jedi. However, her aura, it was different, almost reflective.
<Maybe that's why she was chosen to protect Amidala. She could sense things about people and their surroundings. I should have known. It's a Jedi trait. >
She blinked, surprised by his question. "You would help Bail take care of her, if you agree." He concluded, lost in thought. He was hoping she would agree and if she did, and the tyranny of Palpatine and Darth Vadar was over, he had to reveal to her she was a Force-sensitive and prompt her to train.
"Yes." Sabe patted Leia's head and kissed it, as a mother would. "To keep her memory alive, anything."
"For Amidala, they're her legacy." Obi-Wan whispered, holding Luke. "I just hope you can help to carry on that legacy, Sabe."
She smiled, handing Leia over to Obi-Wan. He shrugged, allowing her to hold her longer because she was her keeper, her watcher. Typho nodded to the Queen's bed. Obi-Wan had already covered her and it scared him.
For many years, like Sabe, he was the Queen's loyal protector. Now, he could protect her no more. She was at peace, safe from Vader's hand. However, until Luke and Leia were safely hidden away from Vader and the Empire, the galaxy wasn't safe from Palpitine.
Now, there was only gray - a mix of black, Vader's sadistic evil and white, his children that were to one day restore peace to the galaxy. But for now, all there was, were shades of gray.
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