Title: You Needed Me
Author: JK
Author's Note: It’s set about Episode 3. Amidala’s reflecting on her relationship with Obi-Wan. Yes, it’s another songfic. I thought this song expressed Obi-Wan and Amidala’s relationship really nicely. Umm, there is some despair in the fic. You’ve been warned.
This is to everyone who’s ever reviewed my work. Candy, Theed, Candie K., Sahmora, Melissa Lee, urn (a special thanks for all your encouragement on the message board!), Amy, Kyer, Sarrenya, Ar, P-Chan The Magnificent, Sreya and anyone else I may have missed, thank you for your support.
Umm... As always, I love feedback. If you liked it, please tell me. If you didn’t like it, tell me why and I’ll try to fix it! Enjoy! :-)
Anything enclosed in *~ ~* is a flashback.
DISCLAIMER: Y’all know who owns Star Wars - the great George. They’re his, I don’t own them and I’m not trying to make any money out of them, just have fun. Umm, the song’s by Randy Goodrum and performed by different people, including Anne Murray. The version I like best, the one this is based on is by Boyzone *listens to the collective groans*. Leave me alone! I like them! You haven’t even begun to see my obsession!!!!
You Needed Me
You needed me.
Queen Amidala of Naboo sat on the floor of her bedroom, alone and miserable. The sun shone in brightly from the balcony, but it did nothing to pierce the darkness that surrounded Amidala’s heart.
No one seemed to understand how painful this was to her, how hard it would be for her to bear her children alone, to have no one there for her. She shook her head sadly and let tears flow down her face, mingling with her white makeup.
She had never felt so alone.
I cried a tear.
You wiped it dry.
Amidala heard a gentle step behind her and turned. Obi-Wan Kenobi stood in the doorway, arms folded across his chest, studying her critically. The young queen rose to her feet, gathering all her dignity.
"Am I interrupting anything?" the Jedi Knight asked gently. Amidala shook her head firmly. Obi-Wan nodded and stepped over to her. He reached out gently and brushed a tear from her cheek.
I was confused.
You cleared my mind.
Obi-Wan smiled gently at her.
"Amidala, I know it’s hard for you," he said softly. She shook her head, denying that he knew anything about what she was going through. But the pain in his eyes showed her that he did.
"I’ve lost so much!" she cried, falling to the ground.
"I have too." Obi-Wan’s voice could barely be heard.
Amidala knew it was true. Everyone he had ever cared for was gone.
"Except you," he whispered in answer to her thoughts.
I sold my soul.
You bought it back for me.
His words brought back memories of all he had done for her. Obi-Wan had always been there, whenever she needed a friend. No matter how much he was hurting inside, how busy he was, he always had time to talk to Amidala, to comfort her if she was feeling down. One particular incident sprang to mind.
*~ He was gone. Her own husband had left her. Amidala cared about nothing but that, totally lost in her grief. All she wanted was for the pain to end. She entered the throne room and opened the secret compartment in her throne that held a cache of blasters. Taking one, she raised it to her head, trembling. The safety flicked off. Amidala took a deep breath, closed her eyes and tightened her finger around the trigger.
"Don’t, Amidala." The voice was so quiet that at first Amidala wasn’t sure whether she had heard it or not. "Put down the blaster."
Amidala opened her eyes and found herself looking straight at Obi-Wan.
"Give it to me," he said quietly, holding out a hand. "You don’t want to do this."
"Yes, I do!" she protested. Obi-Wan shook his head. "Why wouldn’t I?” the queen protested. “My life has fallen in around me! There’s nothing left!"
"Yes, there is," Obi-Wan told her softly. "There’s still your planet."
Amidala wasn’t convinced.
"Then there’s me. I need you, Amidala. There is no one left for me, either."
The queen put the safety back on and handed the weapon to the Jedi. ~*
And held me up.
And gave me dignity.
Somehow you needed me.
Obi-Wan offered Amidala a hand, bringing her out of her reminiscences. She took the offered hand gladly, letting her friend help her to her feet. He led her slowly to the balcony. The bright sunlight bathed them both in warmth. Obi-Wan gestured with his hand, showing her the beautiful city, the crystal waterfalls, and the landscape beyond.
"Out there, Your Highness, is a planet that loves you. Its people are worried. They want to know where their ruler is." His voice was gentle and earnest. Amidala looked up at him, studying his face to find the meaning of his words. "They haven’t seen you in a long time. No one knows what to tell them. Only you can ease their worry. They love you,Your Highness."
The young queen nodded slowly.
"Shall we let them know you’re all right?"
Amidala smiled. Obi-Wan took her hand and led her to a balcony overlooking a large plaza. People milled around, but their usual constant chatter was gone, replaced by a concerned murmur. They kept looking over to the palace, as if the stones would suddenly tell them where their queen was.
"Come on," Obi-Wan said gently. "They’re worried."
The queen and the Jedi stepped out onto the balcony, in clear sight of the crowd.
"People of Theed!" Obi-Wan called before Amidala could stop him. She reached out to grab his arm and stop him, but it was too late. "Do not be concerned. Here is your ruler!" He dropped his voice and whispered to Amidala. “What are you worried about?”
You gave me strength,
To stand alone again.
To face the world,
Out on my own again.
Amidala had no idea what to say. She turned to look to the Jedi for support, but he had melted into the shadows.
"They are your people, Your Highness. You are the person they look to for guidance. Now, let them help you through your pain."
The woman turned back to the crowd. She paused momentarily, then spoke.
"My people, I apologize for concerning you so. I have been having some personal problems. They have affected me deeply, but that is no reason to ignore you. Please accept my apology. I hope to do better for you in the future."
The crowd roared. Amidala’s face flushed under her make up. She looked to where Obi-Wan had stood, only to find he had disappeared.
"Long live the Queen!" someone shouted, and the cry rose and echoed around the plaza as the citizens took up the chant.
"Thank you, my friends." Amidala said softly.
She had locked herself up in her room for days after she discovered she was pregnant. Amidala was ashamed to have neglected her people so now. But then she had felt she could never show her face in public again. Obi-Wan had been the first person to draw her out.
He had given her the courage she needed to face the world and her responsibilities again.
You put me high,
Upon a pedestal.
So high that I could almost see eternity.
You needed me.
You needed me.
Amidala took one final glance across her city, her world, joy rising in her despite her plight. Her people had helped to give her hope. She felt as if she was looking across space and time, to the very edges of the galaxy. Everywhere, there were friends. Everywhere, there were kind, caring people who would sacrifice all they had for another.
People like Obi-Wan.
The queen moved around the palace with a new grace, a new dignity. Sabé exclaimed in delight when she saw her friend.
"Amidala!" she cried, hugging the queen. "I was so worried!"
Amidala smiled at her handmaiden.
"Please, Sabé, do you know where Obi-Wan is? I need to talk to him."
The young woman nodded.
"I saw him going that way," she said, gesturing.
"Thank you," Amidala said warmly, hurrying off.
She found Obi-Wan staring out a window. All his attention was focused skyward.
"Why aren’t you out enjoying your encouragement?" he asked quietly without turning around.
"Because I wanted to thank you."
Obi-Wan shook his head.
"Please, Amidala. I don’t want your thanks. I want to be left alone."
The young queen looked upset at his harsh words. Obi-Wan sighed. He hadn’t meant his words to sound so sharp, but he didn’t feel like talking to Amidala at the moment. He drew his hood over his head, hiding his face.
"Look at me!" Amidala cried. Why wouldn’t he simply accept her thanks?
The Jedi Knight turned around.
"There," he said softly, a catch in his voice. "Are you happy?"
Amidala was startled. She could see the traces of tears on his face. He had been crying.
And I can’t believe it’s you.
I can’t believe it’s true.
I needed you,
And you were there.
"Please, Obi-Wan." Amidala said quietly. "You know that I don’t want you to be sad. You’ve helped me so many times, will you let me help you?"
He was trying to be too strong. It never worked It only made him weaker inside. It was so easy to forget how vulnerable he could be especially when he gave all he could to help her feel better.
He seemed so different when he was sad. Amidala put a hand on his arm.
"Please, Obi-Wan. Let me help. I’ll be here if you need me."
He gave her a weak smile.
"You’ve already helped me, Amidala. You’ve always been there for me, and I know you always will be.” He shook his head sadly.
And I’ll never leave.
Why should I leave?
I’d be a fool.
‘Cos I finally found someone who really cares.
You needed me.
It wasn’t just Anakin that was making Obi-Wan so sad. It was the sudden realization of what he’d have to tell Amidala. He didn’t want to, but he knew she’d have to be told eventually.
"Your Highness," he said slowly. "It’s not only Anakin. I know you don’t want to hear this, but you must. You should leave here. Anakin will seek you out, I know it. Your children must be hidden and so must you."
Amidala stood silently, regarding his words. A variety of emotions flickered across her normally smooth face. Finally she broke the silence.
"Where?" she said softly.
"I think Alderaan would be best. Bail Organa is sympathetic towards your case."
"You make me sound like I’m ill or something." Amidala’s soft voice held a tone of minor indignation.
"You know what I mean, Your Highness. You have to find somewhere safe for yourself and Leia."
"And Luke?"
Obi-Wan took a deep breath.
"I will take him to Tatooine. I have a brother who will take care of him."
Amidala’s eyes widened.
"A brother?"
Obi-Wan nodded.
"He is a moisture farmer. It might not be an easy life, but Luke will be well looked after and loved. I will make sure."
"Why?" Amidala said softly. Why should she go, and leave behind all she had? She could be strong. Why should she leave all her friends, let her son be taken, let Obi-Wan go?
But she already knew the answer.
You held my hand,
When it was cold.
When I was lost,
You took me home.
"Trust me," Obi-Wan said finally. how many times had he told her that before?
*~ Lost and alone in the forest, Amidala shivered. What if Anakin were to find her? What if he had not returned to Coruscant, as Obi-Wan predicted, but rather had stayed, watching and waiting for the perfect time to seek her out…
She glanced frantically around her, shivering. Night was falling, and the autumn cold was beginning to set in. Why had she been so stupid? Why hadn’t she stayed safe in the palace, as she had been told? Why did she have to go and seek comfort in the woods?
"AMIDALA!"
She turned her head joyfully towards the sound.
"AMIDALA! ARE YOU HURT?"
"NO!" she cried back. "ONLY LOST! WHERE ARE YOU?"
Before long, Obi-Wan appeared.
"Oh, Obi-Wan!" Amidala cried. "I can’t believe I got lost!"
"I can," he said gruffly. "You’re in no state to navigate anywhere."
"I’m sorry," Amidala said, hanging her head.
"Don’t be," Obi-Wan said, taking her hand and leading her through the forest. "Just trust me. I’ll take you home." ~*
He had never failed her before. She didn’t even blame Obi-Wan for Anakin’s turning. Amidala believed that he would have stopped it if anyone could.
She would trust him one more time.
You gave me hope.
When I was at the end.
And turned my lies,
Back into truth again.
You even called me friend.
A new resolve filled Amidala. She would do what she had to. Anakin was gone, she had to accept that. The children were her foremost responsibility now. Obi-Wan would look after her, and she would look after Luke and Leia.
How could anyone want a better friend than Obi-Wan? Amidala wondered as she studied the young Jedi, who was now scrutinizing the sky once more. He had brought her hope when she had none. When Anakin had lied to her about him, about the Jedi Order and about himself, Obi-Wan had shown her the truth.
She was honored to be among the friends of such a great man.
You gave me strength,
To stand alone again.
To face the world,
Out on my own again.
You put me high,
Upon a pedestal.
So high that I could almost see eternity.
Obi-Wan noticed the young woman studying him. He smiled at her.
"It’ll be all right," he said softly. "I promise."
Amidala smiled back at him.
"I know it will," she said gently. "Only, I wonder, Obi-Wan, why you are so good to me. You and you alone have helped me through this. I don’t know what I would have done without you. You have comforted me at you own expense. You have protected me, being hurt in the process. You gave me hope when you yourself lacked it. You showed me truth when you were being lied to. How do you manage it? You are not superhuman. You may be a Jedi, but you have emotions. How can you afford to put so much of yourself into me?"
Obi-Wan replied immediately.
"Because I need you, Amidala," he said softly. He put one arm around her shoulder. "When I comfort you, your very presence comforts me. I protect you, knowing that if I lose you, I will have no one. I give you hope so you can give me some. I show you truth and it clarifies the situation for me. But mostly, I help you because I enjoy helping friends. I am a Jedi Knight, Your Highness. It is my job to help. But, more than that, you have done so much for me." Amidala opened her mouth to protest, but Obi-Wan continued. "Let me finish. It was you that comforted me when I lost Qui-Gon. I felt lost and alone then, and it was you that pulled me through. If it weren't for the fact that you were here, I would probably never have made it through Anakin’s turning. You are all I have left Amidala. I need you. I need you."
He held her to him. Amidala stood with him, comforting him as he comforted her. They needed each other. Together, the two of them would see it through. All they needed was each other.
You needed me.
You needed me.
You needed me.
Oh, yes, you needed me.
You needed me.