Make your own free website on Tripod.com

Title: As Long As You’re Happy
Author: Val
Summary: After watching Anakin and Padme reunite after ten years, our hero, Obi Wan is feeling jealous. So he tries to think and pinpoint what exactly he's feeling. The song displayed in this story is called Wishful Thinking by Duncan Shiek. Hope you enjoy!
Author's Note: Here’s another story by me! Thanks to all the readers and writers, I have been enjoying this site immensely!! ;-)
Rating: PG 13

Thanks Again!

 

Listen to the waves
Everything communicates
Will it ever be
Anything more
than wishful thinking?

It isn’t supposed to be like this, he told himself, leaving Padme’s Senate office. He closed the door. He heard the muffled voices of his padawan and Padme’s. They probably think I’m rude. How can I stand there and see them look at each other, like they are overjoyed to see one another? Wait, he thought, what am I doing? The feeling slowly filled his mind, his thoughts and his heart. Jealousy, is its name.

It happened only a few moments ago. He was accompanied with Anakin and the men went to see the newly elected Senator, Padme. He knocked on her door, and was greeted by her sweet voice. "Come in". Did she even know that was so delighted to see her? That he eagerly anticpated the day? That he even tried to rehearse what to say to her. Usually, he thought, I’m confident and strong. Why would it be different with Padme? Of course, the boy was happy to see her again, too. She hugged Anakin, first, he thought, squeezing his fist, as he walked down the long hallway. He needed to leave the Senate building at once. If not, he would go back to her office, and kiss herand never let go. Maybe she hugged Anakin first because Anakin had spoke first. "Hi Padme, so glad to finally see you.". Anakin’s wrods filled his head. Their hug would have lasted longer, but she looked at Obi Wan, and saw he was uncomfortable. "Master Jedi, nice to see you too." She shook my hand, in a polite manner, he thought as he squeezed his eyes shut. All I managed to saym he thought, "Good evening, Senator, its been a long time". I would have preferred a hug, he thought as he found an exit of the Senate building and quickly went outside.

Oh no there you go
Looked away and
missed the show
How much wasted time
Will you survive?

He wrote her a few letters during the years. Sometimes she’d replied back. Sure he thought about her, she is a stunning and intelligent girl now a woman, but he convinced himself, she’s too young, too busy, and too unavailable. She caught his eye a long time ago. And here he is jealous of Anakin’s connection with Padme. Did he even have a connection with her? Sure, she asked him to accompany her to the victory parade, but she was upset and needed a friend.

Yet all of his excuses, why he didn’t want to have feelings for her, meant absolutely nothing. He could think of many explanations why it would be wrong. Then, why does it feel so right, he wondered. I do feel something, something for her, he thought. And I have to hide it from everyone, Anakin and most of all Padme, Obi Wan planned. Even saying her name made him feel intoxicated and warm. Why is this happening? He wondered as he headed back to his temporary quarters. So many questions, he thought.

Feel the blades of grass
How it brings you back
It will always be
Only as green
as you can see

Finally he was back at his quarters standing by the pond outside his quarters. Obi Wan told himself, that he usually could control his emotions fairly well. This was different. Different how, he asked himself. Different because this time his heart and his thoughts betrayed him and thought of only her. Never happened before. Of course he met girls that attracted him, but Padme, she’s something special. He needed to clear his mind and he thought of mediating by the pond. His comlink startled him. "Yes", he spoke softly. "Master?" It is Anakin, he thought. "Just to let you know that I made sure Padme got back to her apartment safely, and I will be going to bed." "Good, Anakin good night".

Anakin is obviously happy, he thought. He sat down onto the grass. The grass is damp, but he didn’t care. I need to clear my thoughts, he told himself. This affection I have for Padme isn’t right, he thought. He wasn’t looking for it. Was that why it came, he asked himself. Wasn't looking for any attachments to any woman, he told himself. Padme isn’t like every other woman you met, he reminded himself. Yet, whatever this is, it exists in my mind, my heart, and my soul.

Oh no there you go
Looked away
and missed the show
How much wasted time
Will you survive?
Oh yeah fooled again
I don't know how
and I don't know when
Not much else to blame
But wishful thinking

Padme. Their fates are intertwined, and even if he tried to fight it, he would be fighting a losing battle. "When did this happen?" He asked out loud to the peaceful flowers, the tall trees, and the small pond. "How am I supposed to live without….her?"

"I can’t and I won’t live without her, he said out loud.

Little breakdowns
In coastal towns
They come suddenly
Crashing over you
They come easily
I'm falling
through the skies
And frozen places

Could he even tell her he felt this way? How would she react? When did this happen, he asked himself again. He tried to think back. Back ten years ago, when he first met Queen Amidala, and known as Padme. I admired her strength, skill, her kindness, and her stubbornness, he recalled. "And I still do" he whispered. He laughed out loud remembering her demanding to go with Qui Gon to explore Tatooine. And, at Qui Gon’s funeral ceremony, he caught the young queen looking at him. "She is so curious", he said out loud. He wanted to say something then, during the funeral. He stood holding in so much pain and grief. He stood between Anakin and Padme, as he watched cremation take place.

No matter how much he wanted to forget, these newly discovered feelings, it is too late. She’s a part of my life, fate, it had to be fate, he thought. He then tried to pinpoint exactly what he feels for the Senator. Respect, of course, friendship, compassion, he paused, oh no, he thought, just by looking at her and watching her brown eyes twinkle, desire too. Powerful desire, for a dear friend, and for someone his apprentice cared deeply for too. "Strong desire", he whispered as he closed eyes and remembered her soft hand touch his.

And I try to realize
That I needn't look
any further
The whole of the universe
Is plain to see
And I try not to rely
On an another world
or the future
The whole of the universe
Is a mystery

But most of all, as he stood up ready to retire for the evening, leaving his thoughts and feelings a mess, all for her, "I love Padme". She turned his life upside downand nothings ever going to be the same again. "As long as she’s happy, I’ll be happy", he told the stars in the heavens.

As, Obi Wan disappeared from sight, a hidden figure cautiously got up from a hiding spot behind two trees. This person had heard everything the Jedi had said and saw how he wrestled with his growing emotions. Slowly the cloaked figure left, by not before, removing the heavy hood of the robe.

And it gets me over...
Yeah it gets me over
And it gets me over...
Yeah it gets me over

Then, revealing, a shocked Padme, who had saw everything and heard everything Obi Wan had said. She whispered, "If you only knew how much love you, and one day know, you are the only one that can make me happy".

Oh no there you go
Looked away and
missed the show
How much wasted time
Will you survive
Oh yeah fooled again
I don't know how
and I don't know when
Not much else to blame
But wishful thinking

The End!

Back